Monday, March 10, 2014

The Wonder Years, Confession, and God's Immeasurable Love



Lent 1, Year, A, 2014, All Saints’ (click here to find readings)
A long, long, long time before I met my beautiful, intelligent, amazing wife Jamie, I thought a girl named Sally Baker was the prettiest girl I had ever met.  I was in the third grade, and Sally and I were both in Ms. Mayfield’s class.  I liked Sally, and I wanted Sally to like me too. 
As I was considering how to make my move, I remember watching an episode of the Wonder Years.  If you have never seen the show, this series dramatizes what it was like to be in middle school and high school during the late 60s and early 70s.  In that particular episode, the main characters, Kevin and Winnie bumped into each other in the hallway and this resulted in Winnie dropping all of her books on the ground.  Kevin quickly knelt down to help Winnie pick up her books.  Winnie seemed to be swept off her feet by this gesture.  Kevin and Winnie exchanged a smile and the rest, as they say, was history.  A light bulb went off in my head!  (you see where this is going don’t you?)
So the next day, as I passed Sally in the classroom, I tried to “accidentally” bump into her so that all of her books would fall on the ground.  Well, the accidental bump ended up being more like an intentional trip/push to the ground.  We both ended up on the floor and the classroom fell silent.  I looked at Sally and Sally looked at me.  Instead of saying something like, “I’m sorry or let me help you with that,” I cut right to the chase and asked Sally, “Do you like me?”  And to this day I’ll never forget the look on her face when she blurted out, “No!” 
I don’t think I have ever been as embarrassed as I was that day.  That moment haunted me for years to come.  Eventually, I recounted the story to Sally when we were in high school and she had no idea what I was talking about.  I guess that is just another reminder that we are always our own worst critic.
All jokes aside, I confess that I didn’t treat Sally with dignity and respect.  I tried to make her like me.  I tried to take away her choice to choose (as if I could).  I tried to control the situation so that I would get a desired outcome.  I believe all of our mistakes and failures and disappointments start here—when we try too hard to be in control, when we try too hard to have power over the situation.  Sound familiar?
This inability to resist power and control is exactly what got Adam and Even in trouble in the garden.   We are reminded of the serpent’s temptation in Genesis when he says to Eve, “You will not die (even though God says they will die); for God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God.”  In the end, Adam and Eve could not resist the temptation to be like God and neither can we. 
After Adam and Eve ate from the tree scripture says, “They knew they were naked.”  We know what this nakedness feels like too.  For me, it feels a lot like the embarrassment I felt after shoving Sally Baker to the ground.  There are two ways we can deal with our nakedness, with our guilt, with our embarrassment.  We can try to cover ourselves up with good works in order to find favor again with God and neighbor.  Or we can admit that we are vulnerable, we can admit to our mistakes and that we are powerless in the face of temptation and seek the forgiveness of God and others.     
Timothy Keller would respond to these two options in this way, “God cannot be manipulated by religious and moral performance—God can only be reached through repentance, through the giving up of power.  If we are saved by sheer grace we can only become grateful, willing servants of God and everyone around us.”  In other words, the experience of God’s love and forgiveness is what will transform us and help us love God and others better.  It is not about trying harder in order to change God’s mind.  It is about repentance and being changed by God’s love and forgiveness. 
Christianity has never been about making God love us through our good deeds.  God can’t even make us love Him so how can we expect to make God love us?  The simple truth of the gospel is this—there is nothing we can do that will make us anything less than children of God.  God sent Jesus to die on the cross to tell us this.  Through God’s sacrifice of his only Son, we know that we have a God who will go to any measure to ensure that we are not abandoned to the power of sin and death.     
Yesterday, our 3rd graders experienced this truth about God as they completed their preparation for Solemn Communion.  Solemn Communion is way to enter a more intentional relationship with God through the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist.  In preparation for today’s Solemn Communion, our 3rd graders made confessions and received assurance that they are forgiven by God.  While I didn’t hear any of these confessions, I imagine some of the confessions were similar to the Sally Baker story.  I imagine some of the confessions were much more serious than the confession I gave above.  Just because you are in the 3rd grade doesn’t mean you don’t deal with the same issues that adults deal with.
In case you don’t know, the Episcopal Church has a Rite of Reconciliation or private confession.  While we do not have any confessional booths like you see in Roman Catholic churches, we still hear private confessions and announce absolution.  The motto in the Episcopal Church says, “all can, none must, some should.”  What does this mean? 
It means that anyone who wants to experience this rite can.  Any of your priests are happy to set up an appointment.  It means that going to private confession isn’t mandatory in the Episcopal Church—your salvation doesn’t depend on it.  It also means that those who are unable to experience God’s forgiveness in their own daily prayers should experience the Rite of Reconciliation.  These people should because this rite is a way for the church to tell its members that God really does forgive the sins of all who repent—even your sins!  It also means that priests and bishops should go to confession because if you are going to hear confessions then you need to know how to give a confession.
Making a confession to someone else is hard, I know.  It takes a lot of courage because you reveal how vulnerable you really are as an imperfect human being.  If it makes you feel better you are also confessing to a priest who is, believe it or not, also an imperfect human being.  As the rite says, we are sinners too.  Making a confession is hard because it brings up feelings of guilt and feelings of guilt are hard to live with—aren’t they?   
I do not believe God wants us to remain guilty or ashamed forever.  Yes, God’s word of judgment can sometimes be harsh but God’s word of judgment is also a word of love.  God did not banish Adam and Eve from the garden just for the simple pleasure of it.  Imagine if Adam and Eve were to remain in the garden forever in their imperfect state…talk about hell on earth.  God did what was best for Adam and Eve and God wants the best for us even when God’s best doesn’t seem all that promising.
In God’s eyes, it is not the end of the world when we mess up; it is an opportunity for a new beginning—even if that new beginning starts in the wilderness.  I believe God wants us to see our mistakes and failures as an opportunity.  Yes, learning from our mistakes is very important.  But that is not what I am talking about.  Like one of the prayers in our prayer book states, “we thank you for those disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone.”  Even more, admitting to our disappointments and failures lead us to realize that God still loves us, that God still believes in us, that God still has dreams for us.
At the Solemn Communion retreat, our 3rd graders received a glimpse of God’s ultimate dream for us with a great banquet, with a great feast.  The best part of this great feast is that the 3rd graders got to plan the menu.  If you are hungry, I apologize in advance…then again this list might have the opposite effect on some of you…  
For appetizers they had:  sushi, queso fountain, and super pretzels.  For the main course they had:  pasta, steak, bacon, pizza, spaghetti, shrimp, popcorn shrimp, and mac and cheese (mac and cheese counts as a vegetable right?  It did at my school cafeteria).  They saved the best for last, dessert, they had: brownies, donuts, cake, carrot, Mom’s cookies, ice cream cookie sandwich, strawberries (I think this deserves a moment of silence), chocolate fountain, chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake, pancakes, and it wouldn’t be a party without cotton candy.
Yes, there is a great big party that awaits but we aren’t there—not yet.  We still live in a world where there is sin and suffering and heartbreak and death.  The cross is still in front of us.  As much as we’d like to, we cannot escape the realty of the cross, the reality of death, the reality of our sin—no matter how hard we try.  But neither can we escape the reality of God’s immeasurable love for us—no matter what.  Amen.      

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